Vanilla.

This is about boring, expected, domestic sex. Yawn.

Apparently humans aren't designed to be monogamous. Women were domesticated along with farm animals with the dawn of agriculture. Since men had to know which children were actually theirs as they didn't want to feed someone else's kids. So women have been socialized to "need" stability and protection from one mate. And men are socialized to refer to their wives as the old "ball and chain" and other such flattering things.

Anyone who has ever thought about cheating knows that sex with someone new is much more physically exciting than sex with your partner (in the moment). This is why we don't drink without our spouse! And that's natural, to be attracted to the next hot thing because that's what we were designed to do.

So what do we do? I believe that a part of being human is that we have the option to choose not to act on our animal instincts. That is, choosing monogamy, as I have agreed with my spouse. I am somewhat familiar with alternative sexual agreements that work for lots of folks. I have a friend who has a polyamourous boyfriend. He has chosen, for better or for worse, to be open about his sexual self and has sex with one or more women/girlfriends at the same time... I mean, on different occasions. She can as well, but I don't think she has yet. I believe he is an excellent lover and she has the benefit of only having a boyfriend when he's with her. Otherwise, she's single. That works for her. And I am so thrilled for her!

Me, on the other hand, I have been conditioned to be jealous. The benefit of being able to have lovers freely is not worth the cost of having to share my man. I'm not that generous or detached... or is that secure and mature? Either way, my spouse could never go for it either. It works for us.

I think to be happily married or monogamously-pair-bonded and sexually satisfied, you need to have a partner that has a similar sexual appetite as you do. If you are on the same page for sex and family destination(s), then the rest should fall into place.

Hubby and I have always had sexual chemistry. We broke up once for a year. Getting back together was an amazing process that took about another year all together. I asked a lot of him the second time around. We had a small child. I thought that that was the main thing that kept us together at the end of the day. But reflecting back on it, a mutual child would never have been a strong enough reason. He changed a lot to meet what I was asking. He changed me, too, although I didn't notice it at the time. The 2 things, at the end of the day that kept us together were 1) chosing each other; and 2) destiny. I mean, we both choose each other, equally, sometimes every day, even when we don't want to... we always choose each other. And the second thing is something bigger than us, be that magic, fate, destiny or whatever... something that was always there, conspiring to keep us together. And we always have good sex.